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What motivates you at mid-career?

My first sabbatical was in 2006-07, right after I got tenure. I took the full year and moved back to the Bay Area for a year, feeling like I really needed to get completely away from everything about my life in San Diego, in order to think more clearly about what I really wanted. I did a ton of soul-searching that year. I remember feeling really conflicted. At that point, I had spent eleven years basically working toward one goal - tenure - and I'm not sure that I had ever really stopped to think about what would happen after that. For the first time in my academic life, I could actually step back and ask, "What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Is this what I want to keep doing for, potentially, the rest of my life? If not, what do I want to be doing instead? And is San Diego State where I want to do it for, potentially, the rest of my life? " Big questions.

I can't say that I figured it all out but by the end of the year, I think I had identified the goals and values that really drive my work, and I realized that a) I really did love my research but b) I also wanted to spend more time on my teaching. I also admitted to myself that although there were (and still are) things about my department that drive me nuts, there is no other combination of location and institution that I'm aware of that could ever Pareto-dominate San Diego State. The dominance of the location is obvious (hello, San Diego!), but what it took me a while to appreciate was that being at SDSU is rewarding in ways that I don't believe I would ever find at an elite institution. I will never forget the first time I was at a commencement ceremony and one of my students came up to me with her parents who hugged me like I was a long lost relative, thanking me profusely for advising their daughter, the first in the family to attend college. Although I was attracted to doing ed policy research originally because I was raised to believe in education as the great equalizer, it is my job as an instructor at San Diego State, more than my academic research, that makes me feel like I am truly contributing to that ideal every day.

Over the years, the soul-searching I did on that sabbatical has helped me stay grounded and to navigate priorities, particularly as I moved away from ed policy research to do more work in Econ ed. I've been able to accept my dwindling publication record in certain types of journals because the other work I was doing still fit into my larger goals and values.

When I took on the CTL gig, things got a bit more complicated. At first, it was fun, and challenging, if a bit overwhelming, to think about how to help faculty across the University to be better teachers. But I have come to feel that something is missing and I wasn't quite sure what until I read a recent article in the Chronicle, "You're a Full Professor. Now What?" The author, Kathryn McDaniel, talks about the challenge of deciding how to prioritize her time and she highlights four questions that she asks about new responsibilities or projects:

- Is it fun?
- Is it helping me grow or develop in a new area?
- Is it connected to something I feel passionate about?
- Does it provide me with a sense of accomplishment?

McDaniel uses these questions to guide her choices about what projects and roles to take on. She has two rules: "The projects and roles I choose should inspire a "yes" to at least one of the questions." and "If something I am asked to do generates a "no" when applied to all four criteria, then I politely decline the request."

This really resonated with me but as I have thought about it more, I would add another rule: my work as a whole should be satisfying ALL FOUR criteria. Not everything has to be a 'yes' to all four, but at the end of the day, I want to be able to say that I've got all four covered by all the different things I am spending time on, put together.

Unfortunately, it is becoming more and more clear to me that while most of my CTL work hits three of the four, there is currently almost no aspect of my job that I think is 'fun'. So I've got to spend some time figuring out what IS fun for me and how to get some of that into my work day.

What criteria do you use to help prioritize your time?

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